[Brace] Yourself.

I have many fears. 

Some irrational, 

And some completely rational.

Like for example, I HATE spiders. I don't even like the small ones. Whenever I have one on me, all hell breaks loose. 

I have a funny story to tell you actually. Well, I didn't think it was funny at all, and neither did my next door neighbors.

Just like every other morning when I am getting ready for class, I'm still in bed a half an hour before I need to actually be at school. So usually I'm in a rush to run out the door. Right before I had gotten up, I remember my step mom telling me that there was a huge spider at the front door. With my first assumption, I had thought, "oh theres a spider on the ground near the front door." 

I assumed wrong.

Oh don't act so surprised... I can assume things correctly sometimes.

ok not really, but I can usually work my way out of stupid, yet difficult situations.

This one I walked right into.

Literally.

In a rush to get to school on time, I completely forgot about the spider.

I ran through my front door, AND through the monsters web that had been built right in front of it. 

 I had it's butt strings all over me.

Once realization had kicked in, I let out a blood-curdling scream. It was about 7:50 in the morning, and i'm sure that I woke people up in the next city. I didn't care.

The good thing is, the spider wasn't on me.

 but holy ham he was huge. like his body [I literally just shivered in disgust] was the size of a quarter. BLOODY MASSIVE.

I guess I just forgot to [brace] myself.

Break through.

This Christmas has been a little bit more challenging than the past.

Grandma's in the hospital.

A friendship was almost permanently terminated.

And I haven't had the time to see my Uncle yet.

But through all this, I know that God is going to pull me through this. 

I know that The Lord will strengthen my grandma.

He has already helped me with my [friend].

And I'll eventually get to talk to my uncle. 

I just need a [breakthrough]

A new year is right around the corner...

And then it's valentines day.

Joy.

Lemme tell you.

I usually enjoy my "quiet" time.

Listening to my Ellie Goulding station on Pandora, then

maybe doing dishes or laundry or writing during this cherished time.

[jeez I'm such a mom]

But everytime I find myself in my "quiet" zone...

Lemme tell you, pandora sucks at mixing music. 

One moment I'll be listening to something upbeat, then, [it's like pandora pulls it outta their cyber butt holes] starts playing some sappy love song. 

And because my hands are usually tied up, I'm not able to change the song.

So I'm stuck, and forced to have thoughts about his freaking face. 

It's hard.

Because it's like a gas that seeps into all the cracks of my brain and makes me forget about reality.

I can't help but think about the last time we hung out. 

How I knew you were staring at me for a second, and then you looking away as soon as you thought I was glancing your way.

Then I think that maybe I had something gross on my face. 

Idk. 

I don't get you at all.

And I don't think I want to. 

Because lemme tell you.

It's kind of fun 

not knowing.

I will do as I please.

Hey it's the [Christmas] season!
I like Christmas. On Christmas day that is. And Christmas eve.
But Christmas all month? I'm already tired of the music.
Customers at my job are more demanding and rude.
And it's cold.
Did I mention that I hate the cold?
I have to wear a funny Santa hat at work, which stinks because it's too small and won't fit on my mane. So I have to wear my hair up and then put the hat on.
But then I look bald.

So check this.
I was wearing my Santa hat because according to the people who own the store, wearing is apart of keeping "the Christmas ambiance"
Oh ok. That's beans.
and wrong.
Anyways,after I had said "Merry Christmas" to one of the customers, my employee had commented on what I had said.
"You gotta say 'happy holidays' because you might offend someone."

Oh, you don't say?

If I recall correctly, I was not instructed by my manager to say such things.
so therefore, I will do and say as I please.

P.S- I think if it's going to be this cold, it needs to at least snow. 

Because then, I would have a legitimate excuse to stay inside and watch movies.

Too cold to handle.

I have so much to write about, yet I cannot seem to put my thoughts together enough to write them down.
My hair. will not do what I want it to do lately.
Literally, about five days ago we had 75 degree weather.
This morning it had gotten so cold, not only was the outside of my car frozen, so was the inside.
I could not open my door. The INSIDE of my lock was frozen, so I couldn't turn it.
WUT.
I was not bred for this kind of weather. It makes me grumpy.

Apparently I have a man coming my way.
 Meaning the love of my life is close.
WUT.
I cant handle this.
I CANT.

[trust] no one.

A quiet lesson learned

Thoughts desensitized. 

A hungry whisper 

After sundown.

Questions asked 

Trust taken by the neck,

And snapped to pieces.

Pain sunken to the core 

Bled dry

Distortion of your face

No longer dicipherable

And yet

My beloved adoration 

Still pulses

Black Friday stole my soul.

As it was my second year working retail for Black Friday, I say I hate every thing about it.

The fact that the day before [now hours after] was thanksgiving. 

A day specifically set aside to sit with your family and friends and be thankful for the things that you have been blessed with.

It's almost like,

"I'm thankful for blah blah, but I want more!" 

I don't see the point in that at all.

What I also don't understand is people who rush Christmas.

Hold your bloody horses people.

Atleast wait until thanksgiving has past to put up your Christmas lights and decorate.

Christmas is to celebrate the birth of our lord and savior. 

It's not about the gifts

Or the lights

Or the tree

Or even the food.

It's to give Jesus the glory.

To be thankful, 

(Or have you given all your thanks on thanksgiving?) 

For the life of Jesus Christ who came to this earth already knowing that he was going to be beaten and hung on a cross 

By the people he unconditionally loved.

Just for our sins.

 

I have seen the greed seeping through my customers pores.

I have witnessed people leave their families just to buy a couple of clothes that were "on sale".

Hate to break it to you, but they will be on sale later this year too.

I worked 18 hours straight Friday.

5am-11pm.

Never again.

It's just the [little] things.

I went for a drive today. 

I usually do so when I have a lot on my mind. 

I was driving down an unlit, out-of-the-way road. 

I came to the conclusion that when I get older, and I am financially stable enough to buy my own house,  I plan on living on a road like this.

I like to be separated from bright city lights and loud car engines. 

During this much cherished alone time, I was struck with an idea.

I will say this idea wasn't my wildest, or smartest ideas. 

But I did it anyways.

The sky was clear, 

There was literally no one ahead of me or behind me, 

so I decided to stop my car.

I slowed to a stop,

Turned my headlights off

Then turned my car off completely. 

And sat in darkness.

I just took a long moment to really see the stars. 

To be surrounded by nothing but darkness and the dull light coming off the stars above me is just, 

peaceful, mind clearing.

I found it brilliant  how one of my favorite authors, John Green compares his thoughts to stars. He says,

"My thoughts are stars I cannot even fathom into constellations."

Best. Quote. Ever.

I just may or may not have that tattoed onto my body somewhere. 

To finish my little personal adventure, I continued on the road. I saw little houses that were decorated with cheap Christmas lights, I also saw huge houses that had three stories and 4 different garages. My initial wish was to have a house as big as the one I just described.

But then I thought back to my recent reandevous with the stars. 

I then switched my wish, and hoped that one day, if all I had to myself was a cardboard box filled with my things I would pray that what I had left was a significant other to share the sight of the stars with me.

To be able to separate ourselves from the big things in life, and just take a moment to really be thankful for the small [yet astronomically big] things. 

It's the [little] things I want to learn to 

Really be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving

Ramble, Ramble

 

I like to think about going on adventures 

And exploring parts of the world

Like the abandoned places. 

I imagine 

The untroddened bridges

The forgotten fishing shaqs

The broken down, moss growing roller coasters.

All I want is to waste time with the places that grow old with time. 

To see on my own is 

one thing,

 but to experience and share with someone is 

Something I feel I would charish better.

Right now, we have just set foot on the path of learning everything about each other.

But I first need to learn how to have faith in you, 

as a friend. In the past I have been wounded by a few, but that doesn't mean you'll make the same mistakes. Trusting you is going to be 

The hardest of feats. 

I want to know things about you that you yourself don't even understand.

To have you catch me staring at you.

Not in some unnerving way,

But in an observant, gentle way.

I want to memorize everything about your face.

The shape and color of your eyes

Your jawline

The curve of your eyebrows

Even the high and lowlights of your hair

Just in case I lose the ability to see. 

I then realize, while I have all these wishful thoughts just about you,

It makes me wonder if 

You could possibly be wishing/thinking

The same things about me.

My track record shows that when it comes to guys, I want the impossible to 

Become possible.

But hey,

A girl can ramble right?

[beans] bro, cool freaking beans.

I don't actually like beans.

But I really want some home made Mac and cheese right now. 

Things that [End]

I absolutely hate things that end.

Like relationships. 

Lemme me just say, all boys are stupid.

All of you.

But let me also say,

Girls, we are stupid too.

We wanna believe little things that happens between us and our men mean something to them.

THEY DO NOT CARE.

They don't care that you changed your nail polish color or your new shoes.

We just need to learn to love ourselves

Before we throw ourselves at some guy.

Just thought id let you know.

The post with no title.

I have no idea how to start this post. 
I just know that his face is on my mind still
OH MY GOD HE JUST LOOKED AT ME.

anyways, i'm procrastinating. I have so much school work to do.
I went for a run today. It was amazing. but I'm 100% sure that my baby cows will be screaming at me 

The [Struggle] Bus.

Hop Aboard! All is welcome on this bus. No need to have a pass or ticket. Admission is free. Just bring your struggles with you, so we all can see how much we are all a little [or alot] mentally unstable.

I share with you this.
I'm usually thinking  about: EVERYTHING.
Which, when I can't control the amount of info that is NOT being processed I usually resort to this: EXISTENTIAL CRISIS.
And then I obsessively think about, well him.
I, for my mental health's stake will not mention his name, because, well, he might read this. DON'T want that happening. But yeah, no matter what I could be doing; whether it be talking about how much I don"t like feet, to buying a whole carton of mint chocolate chip ice cream.... its like "Oh hey there! I didn't intentionally want to think about your hair, or eyes, or just YOU. But there you are. In my mind. Poisoning all my sane thoughts. Yay."    
I've learned that patience in this kind of situation is EXTREMELY difficult. 
Me, being an extrovert wants to be like, " HEY, let's go get some lunch and talk about ourselves"
But then the introverted part of me is like, "I'll just stand over here in the distance and create scenarios in my mind of how I can avoid making myself look like an idiot around you" Plus, i've been told that waiting for him to say something is usually best. But then that would mean walking over to him and saying hey, giving him the opportunity to say something. MEH. I'm struggling.[Beep Beep] 
Forever driving the struggle bus, and living the single life. 

This is my [progressive] story, that is copyrighted on this website.

  Here it is.

http://www.wattpad.com/story/2603307-zosime

Driving to work.

Driving to work is usually dreadful, because I work for a store that sells clothes for the persistent partier. 

I don't fit into that category. At all. 

So to numb my mind before I walk into a world where ignorant shoppers dwell,[Stories about my struggle with these "ignorant customers" will come ] I blast music in my car as loud as possible and sing at the top of my lungs. If it's metal music, I head bang. The faces of confusion I usually get from parallel drivers are always really amusing.

But then the moment of pulling into the parking lot of my beloved job, and I have to use every positive thought about working there to make me walk through the entrance doors. Things like, "it's only 7 hours" and "your getting paid" are usually what gives me that extra nudge. But then I clock in, and contemplate if I should pretend to be sick, or break my leg just so I can give the people who own the store a reason for my absence. All in all, the people I work with are fantastic, because they share my pain. Maybe not my thinking, but I know for sure that they feel my pain. 

Welcome to retail.

A [small] Intro.

My real name is Arielle Naomi. 

I was brought into this world by a single woman by the name of Audrey Michelle, in the city of Albuquerque, New Mexico on a mild day in February. Now, I am situated in the very diverse climate of Virginia. Whoo. You want to experience all four seasons in one week? Come visit Virginia! You wont be disappointed, that I can promise you. If you're lucky, and you show up around April, it might snow. Bizarre right? 

That's normal here.
But I actually enjoy living here. I prefer hot, dry climates, but being here in Virginia gives me a chance to [more like I have no choice, I unfortunately  don't have the power to teleport to NM when it's so randomly cold here] wear different clothes.
Diversity.

My passion? I have many of those, mainly because I never can be set on just one thing. I have to constantly be changing what I like doing. Writing has always been a thing with me though. Since I knew that paper and pencil were partners in putting thoughts together, I pretended I could write creative, elaborate stories.
I currently [brag brag] have a In-progress story copyrighted online. It's kinda a thriller, you should check it out. Ill leave the link some where on this page. Probably on the bottom. I also love music. I lean towards the rock genre. I range from about anything between The Black Keys and Muse to For Today and Oh, sleeper.
But I also listen to SOME rap [christian mostly, because all mainstream rap kinda makes me want to run over all things that crawl with my 1997 Honda civic] and pop. Ellie Goulding is my all time favorite indie artist. Criticize my music, and I might resort to critisizing your hair, or face. 

Just kidding. 

Maybe.

My hair. Is tremendously astronomical. Quite mane-like actually. Hence my username for about everything, "Chickwithamane". Also, my name is Hebrew for "Lioness of God". So the mane is kinda a trademark for me. People love it... and I'm just like "I'll give you my hair for 24 hours, and I guarantee that you'll want your hair back". True story bro. Taming my mane has never been a simple task. Ever.

So yeah. Welcome to my blog of random thoughts and jank.