My Crappy Redundant Thoughts

There are just some things in life that we can't change.
This in itself drives me ape crazy. Yeah, APE CRAZY. Not because I'm a controlling freak, but because
when it comes to those things, It's usually aspects about my life that I don't like.
Such as the way I look.
 I know what all ya'll are thinking, how could I not like the way that I look?
Easy.

 When I was in middle school I was put down so hard.
I hated my natural hair so I kept it straight alllll the freaking time. Even when my hair was straight,
I hated it. I got comments like:
 " Your hair is the same color as your skin" and "What are you? Albino?"
So I hated the way I looked. All the time.

Has the way that I feel about myself changed since then?
Meh.

I still have moments where I look at myself in the mirror and think,
"I would look so much more attractive if I had softer, white girl hair." or.
"Man, if only I didn't have acne" or, "If I was as successful as her"
Or my favorite,
"If only I looked like this chick (insert perfect white chick here), then maybe
the guy I liked would actually talk to me."


I honestly hate looking at myself so much sometimes. But what I hate most is that I literally
 do it to myself.

If I would just take a couple of steps back and realize...

Ok, I'm going to get really cliche.
But only because it's the cold hard truth.

...How could I [redundantly] put myself down when I know that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made".
I am sure as beans that God doesn't sit on his throne day by day, throwing negative thoughts into my head.
I have come to the understanding that
I HAVE TO MAKE THE DIFFERENCE IN MYSELF.
I  cannot wallow around in my low self esteem, and expect it to just be flushed away.
So I've decided to do this thing I call "Do me". Which is me basically not giving two rats bottoms what
the world wants to think about me and my hair or skin color. If I wanna dress a certain way ( without lacking modesty but totally lacking all girlishness and femininity ) then I'm gonna rock it. To show how little I care really will be the best thing I've ever done. But I will strategically do it, so that I won't be cocky or selfish, but I will then be able to focus all my energy on ministry and what I love doing.

So ladies.
and gents.
Your'e perf. Just the way you are, sitting here reading my blog.
Unless you're an ax murdering serial killing drug addict..
well,
If you're an ax murdering serial killing drug addict, you really should find yourself.
Cause Jesus forgives everyone.