Bittersweet Disposition

To live in a world of hatred

a world of distorted disposition.

Is a challenge in itself. 

But the world revolves around a cause and effect sort of deal.

We all like to blame 

Everything and everyone but ourselves 

But we search for reasons to continue 

Being what we aren't

I sit and ponder this 

Criss-cross style on the edge 

Of a river

Letting the sound of the light brown 

Waves pull me.

No sun is visible, but it's unmistakably bright 

Making me squint my eyes

This place isn't my own

But in that moment I am alone.

The good kind of alone.

Past events that surf through

 my mind 

are lulled away with the rhythm of the tide. 

I normally take longer to 

Recooperate 

This time, I grab my stuff and leave 

Right before the sun sets 

Getting into my car

I start my engine 

And begin to drive back

To I'm not sure where

I then let my thoughts wonder

And I think about having a 

Significant other and 

Long to 

Be held 

And put before almost anything

Except God.

To have someone understand 

My misunderstandings 

And relate to the unrelatable.

But it's all in the hands of God, 

Because I sure as heck 

Don't trust anyone enough 

To take that place in my life 

Yeah I'm single 

And yeah I'll tell you I'm happy

Being a single woman

But it's hard

And irritating.

 But hey, 

It's bittersweet disposition.