[Brace] Yourself.

I have many fears. 

Some irrational, 

And some completely rational.

Like for example, I HATE spiders. I don't even like the small ones. Whenever I have one on me, all hell breaks loose. 

I have a funny story to tell you actually. Well, I didn't think it was funny at all, and neither did my next door neighbors.

Just like every other morning when I am getting ready for class, I'm still in bed a half an hour before I need to actually be at school. So usually I'm in a rush to run out the door. Right before I had gotten up, I remember my step mom telling me that there was a huge spider at the front door. With my first assumption, I had thought, "oh theres a spider on the ground near the front door." 

I assumed wrong.

Oh don't act so surprised... I can assume things correctly sometimes.

ok not really, but I can usually work my way out of stupid, yet difficult situations.

This one I walked right into.

Literally.

In a rush to get to school on time, I completely forgot about the spider.

I ran through my front door, AND through the monsters web that had been built right in front of it. 

 I had it's butt strings all over me.

Once realization had kicked in, I let out a blood-curdling scream. It was about 7:50 in the morning, and i'm sure that I woke people up in the next city. I didn't care.

The good thing is, the spider wasn't on me.

 but holy ham he was huge. like his body [I literally just shivered in disgust] was the size of a quarter. BLOODY MASSIVE.

I guess I just forgot to [brace] myself.

Break through.

This Christmas has been a little bit more challenging than the past.

Grandma's in the hospital.

A friendship was almost permanently terminated.

And I haven't had the time to see my Uncle yet.

But through all this, I know that God is going to pull me through this. 

I know that The Lord will strengthen my grandma.

He has already helped me with my [friend].

And I'll eventually get to talk to my uncle. 

I just need a [breakthrough]

A new year is right around the corner...

And then it's valentines day.

Joy.

Lemme tell you.

I usually enjoy my "quiet" time.

Listening to my Ellie Goulding station on Pandora, then

maybe doing dishes or laundry or writing during this cherished time.

[jeez I'm such a mom]

But everytime I find myself in my "quiet" zone...

Lemme tell you, pandora sucks at mixing music. 

One moment I'll be listening to something upbeat, then, [it's like pandora pulls it outta their cyber butt holes] starts playing some sappy love song. 

And because my hands are usually tied up, I'm not able to change the song.

So I'm stuck, and forced to have thoughts about his freaking face. 

It's hard.

Because it's like a gas that seeps into all the cracks of my brain and makes me forget about reality.

I can't help but think about the last time we hung out. 

How I knew you were staring at me for a second, and then you looking away as soon as you thought I was glancing your way.

Then I think that maybe I had something gross on my face. 

Idk. 

I don't get you at all.

And I don't think I want to. 

Because lemme tell you.

It's kind of fun 

not knowing.

I will do as I please.

Hey it's the [Christmas] season!
I like Christmas. On Christmas day that is. And Christmas eve.
But Christmas all month? I'm already tired of the music.
Customers at my job are more demanding and rude.
And it's cold.
Did I mention that I hate the cold?
I have to wear a funny Santa hat at work, which stinks because it's too small and won't fit on my mane. So I have to wear my hair up and then put the hat on.
But then I look bald.

So check this.
I was wearing my Santa hat because according to the people who own the store, wearing is apart of keeping "the Christmas ambiance"
Oh ok. That's beans.
and wrong.
Anyways,after I had said "Merry Christmas" to one of the customers, my employee had commented on what I had said.
"You gotta say 'happy holidays' because you might offend someone."

Oh, you don't say?

If I recall correctly, I was not instructed by my manager to say such things.
so therefore, I will do and say as I please.

P.S- I think if it's going to be this cold, it needs to at least snow. 

Because then, I would have a legitimate excuse to stay inside and watch movies.

Too cold to handle.

I have so much to write about, yet I cannot seem to put my thoughts together enough to write them down.
My hair. will not do what I want it to do lately.
Literally, about five days ago we had 75 degree weather.
This morning it had gotten so cold, not only was the outside of my car frozen, so was the inside.
I could not open my door. The INSIDE of my lock was frozen, so I couldn't turn it.
WUT.
I was not bred for this kind of weather. It makes me grumpy.

Apparently I have a man coming my way.
 Meaning the love of my life is close.
WUT.
I cant handle this.
I CANT.

[trust] no one.

A quiet lesson learned

Thoughts desensitized. 

A hungry whisper 

After sundown.

Questions asked 

Trust taken by the neck,

And snapped to pieces.

Pain sunken to the core 

Bled dry

Distortion of your face

No longer dicipherable

And yet

My beloved adoration 

Still pulses

Black Friday stole my soul.

As it was my second year working retail for Black Friday, I say I hate every thing about it.

The fact that the day before [now hours after] was thanksgiving. 

A day specifically set aside to sit with your family and friends and be thankful for the things that you have been blessed with.

It's almost like,

"I'm thankful for blah blah, but I want more!" 

I don't see the point in that at all.

What I also don't understand is people who rush Christmas.

Hold your bloody horses people.

Atleast wait until thanksgiving has past to put up your Christmas lights and decorate.

Christmas is to celebrate the birth of our lord and savior. 

It's not about the gifts

Or the lights

Or the tree

Or even the food.

It's to give Jesus the glory.

To be thankful, 

(Or have you given all your thanks on thanksgiving?) 

For the life of Jesus Christ who came to this earth already knowing that he was going to be beaten and hung on a cross 

By the people he unconditionally loved.

Just for our sins.

 

I have seen the greed seeping through my customers pores.

I have witnessed people leave their families just to buy a couple of clothes that were "on sale".

Hate to break it to you, but they will be on sale later this year too.

I worked 18 hours straight Friday.

5am-11pm.

Never again.